Breaking Free

All of my life I have been drawn to narcissists. I have fallen in love with them, I have made them my closest friends and even my mentors. This is because I grew up so closely with a Narcissist. When you are a young child you don't understand the emotionally unavailable, neglectful, manipulative and abusive adults. It is just your normal. Narcissist are notoriously hard to spot because they tend to put a lot of energy into maintaining their reputation. To the outsider they are a lovely person. When in reality their love is conditional. They make everything about themselves. They are masters of twisting and distorting the truth. They will never let you state your feelings our needs. They have strings of unhealthy and broken relationships. There is a long list of people they have used and discarded. They make you worried or even scared to displease them. They expect you to keep up a perfect appearance because their reputation is reliant on you. They want you to be successful enough to brag about but not so successful that is triggers their jealousy and inferiority complex. They will bully you about your appearance. They will make you doubt that you are able to accomplish your goals. You are not allowed to disagree with them. They will never admit they were wrong or apologize. It took many years of studying to understand this kind of behavior and I am still healing myself from the damage it has done. When I was younger the narcissist could deeply hurt me because my love was wasted on them and could never be returned. Now when I discover a narcissist in my life I feel nauseous and disappointed. Then I experience a huge wave of relief for the blessing of truth. The older I get the easier it becomes to identify these people and I hope that one day I will be able to avoid letting them get close to me at all. There are many wonderful books on narcissism. Arm yourself with the tools you need to protect yourself. XOXO